Three Men and a Baby
by Mastermind Sphinx
Summary: Random, unrelated, oneshots about the 11th Division, Zaraki, Yachiru, Ikkaku and Yumichika . Most are comedy but there's some fluff. Be warned that there's Ikkaku/Yumichika slash in most of them. Nothing graphic though, the rating is for foul language.
1. It's all Greek to Me

"Fuck…" Ikkaku hissed between clenched teeth.

"Oh God, Ikkaku… ahhhn--"

"What'cha guys doooing?"

Both the 3rd and 5th seat of the 11th squad looked up from their compromising position on the floor to see their vice captain hovering over them with a puzzled look on her young face.

"Yachiru-Fukutaichou!" They did not simultaneously squeal in a decidedly pathetic manner.

"Why are you all naked and sweaty?… If you're hot you should just kick the blankets off!" She said with a smile as she moved to pull their comforter away.

"No!" Yumichika quickly pulled the blanket up and around his own body, leaving Ikkaku exposed. It was every man for himself when dealing with the little pink-haired hellion.

"What the fuck!" Ikkaku shouted trying to get some of the cover from Yumichika, "give it back!"

"Forget it! It's my blanket anyway!"

"Share!"

"No! Let go!"

In their tug-of-war for decency they managed to rip the poor comforter in two, sending up a flurry of white down that swirled about the room like snow. Ikkaku gathered some of the feathers to cover his lap while Yumichika lamented the death of the very expensive bed spread he'd brought back from the living world on his last visit there. He glared at Ikkaku: "I **will** kill you."

At first their antics were amusing but Yachiru quickly grew tired of being ignored.

"HEY!" They both turned to look at her, silent and obedient just like she liked. She smiled, _that's better_. "Now I want an answer, what were you guys doing, Baldy?"

The two shared a nervous look before Ikkaku began to speak. "Well, you see Fukutaichou, sometimes when a guy gets a… Uh, _special feeling_ in his coc- uh, groin… he, uh…"

Quickly Yumichika relieved Ikkaku of speech by clamping a hand over the bald-man's mouth. "What he means to say is that we were playing a game."

"A game?"

"Yeah, Yumichika," Ikkaku questioned sarcastically as he pulled the hand away from his face. "A game?"

"Yes," he said with a smile, internally congratulating himself for having just thought up an excellent lie. "We were playing Greek warriors. In ancient Greece it was a custom to wrestle in the nude. We were wrestling, that's all Fukutaichou-chan."

"Oh, okay!" She replied with a smile, satisfied with the answer. "So you were winning narci-san?"

"No!" Ikkaku quickly interjected. "He was most definitely not _winning!_"

"But he was on top!"

"That doesn't mean anything! I'm the _winner_!"

"Ikkaku," Yumichika muttered with irritation as he elbowed his dense friend in the ribs. "Remember, we were playing **Greek **not Kama Sutra."

"Jeez… fine, Yumichika was winning. But I was **letting **him win."

Getting more and more intrigued by the idea of wresting Yachiru began to untie her robe. "I wanna play too!"

"NO!"

"Why not?!" A glare. No one but Ken-chan was allowed to tell her no (and even he rarely said it).

"Well," Yumichika laughed nervously. "Don't you think Taichou would like to play? Ikkaku and I are all worn out so we wouldn't be any match for you. You should go play with Taichou!"

"Yeah!" Ikkaku nodded vigorously, anything to get the girl out of there as quickly as possible. "He'd **love **to play."

"Okay!" And with that she was gone in a little pink flash. Needless to say, Zaraki was extremely confused and even more disturbed when he was awoken by being put in a half nelson by a very naked Yachiru.


	2. Sword Play

Zanpakuto usually only interact with one another when engaging in battle. For the most part, that is the only time when their physical manifestations, as Shinigami's swords, come in close enough contact to breach the spiritual gap. When not in battle, they are content to live a solitary life within the fighter whom they are a part of. Rarely do they make friends with other Zanpakuto, typically meeting them only as enemies, but once in a while their relationships are different.

More often than not Hozukimaru and Fuji Kujaku were together in a shared spiritual plane, their sword selves being discarded on the floor side by side along with Madarame Ikkaku and Ayasegawa Yumichika's crumpled uniforms. At first they did not get along particularly well, Hozukimaru being utterly annoyed by Fuji Kujaku's high strung need for flattery every five seconds, and Fuji Kujaku not liking the unpredictable mood swings between sleepy and violent that Hozukimaru suffered. For quite some time they were ill at ease with one another. Eventually, though, that had all changed.

As extensions of their Shinigami they realized the importance of one another and, over time, had developed a unique relationship.

"Hozukimaruuuuuu," Fuji Kujaku whined as he plopped down upon his companion's supine form beneath one of the many blossoming trees that populated Yumichika's inner realm. He liked to nap in there because it was far less chaotic than the world within Ikkaku.

"What? I'm trying to sleep."

Butting his head up under the other's chin as a cat would, Yumichika's Zanpakuto nestled himself on Hozukimaru's chest. "Pay attention to me."

Hozukimaru just grunted in response, drawing one of his arms around Fuji Kujaku's thin waist.

"I don't think he loves me anymore! He's ashamed of me! I never get used to my full potential," Hozukimaru just rubbed the other Zanpakuto's back, as if to say "_there, there._" Already he was beginning to drift back into slumber.

"What is **wrong** with him?!" The other went on. "I'm beautiful, and strong, and, well, perfect! I could kick your ass if he wanted me to! And it would be a gorgeous fight, the best he ever had!…. Dammit."

"Mmhmmm."

"Ikkaku-san doesn't tell anyone about your abilities, doesn't that bother you?!"

He thought about that a moment, attempting to care but not finding a reason to bother. "Not really," the Zanpakuto sighed. "If everyone knew I had Ban Kai, I'd have to be working all the fuckin' time and I already put in way more than 40 hours a week…"

Fuji Kujaku was silent for a little while, that answer may be good enough for his lazy friend, but it just wasn't cutting it for him. His anger continued to stew. "At least he told my master about you, but does Yumichika tell your master about me? Nooooo. Those two have been fucking like rabbits for **decades**, they know each and every embarrassing little intimate detail about one another's pasts, and still the man is too much of a coward to tell him I'm a kidou type. Like that's so hard!…. Hey, Hozu… could you tell him for me? _Please_? Pretty, pretty please?"

"What the hell good would that do?"

"It might just piss that bastard off and make him use me more often! I **deserve **to be shown off!"

"Eh, we don't really talk that much. Ikkaku and I have a much _manlier _understanding of each other," he said with a matter-o-fact smile. He liked Ikkaku, truth be told. He didn't demand a whole lot of him, and only asked for more when his own personal strength wasn't quite enough to make it (which was fairly rare).

For the sake of his wielder's sanity, he knew it would be best to not involve himself in Ikkaku's relationship with Yumichika. If the Shinigami narcissist wanted to tell him about his Shikai abilities that was his own business. Besides, if things went awry between the two he might not get to see Fuji Kujaku like this again, and he liked having a peaceful place to nap in, and an (self-)admittedly beautiful friend to fuck up against the flowering trees, blossoms drifting down to intertwine themselves in Fuji Kujaku's long, silky hair.

Yumichika's sword smiled playfully. "Please Hozu? Please?" Fuji Kujaku pressed his lips against the other's throat, lightly licking at his pulse. "Please?" He began to kiss his way downward, each tender brush of lips accented with a _please_.

His energy suddenly coming back to him, the other Zanpakuto flipped the more delicate one onto his back. With a wicked grin he began to work his own magic over his master's lover's sword. Soon Fuji Kujaku was begging in an entirely different manner, asking a please that Hozukimaru could actually fulfil.


	3. Look Away

Yumichika knows everything there is to know about Ikkaku's fighting technique. From the very beginning he's been there to watch, to see his styles and strategies develop and mature into the powerful fighter that is the 3rd seat of the 11th squad. He knew Ikkaku had achieved Ban Kai from the excited, smug look on his dirty, drained face before the bald man had even had a chance to speak. Though he never tired of being Ikkaku's spectator, Yumichika was rarely surprised when watching his lover fight.

Despite Yumichika's intimacy of knowledge with Ikkaku's battle abilities, the same could not be said in reverse.

Ikkaku knew next to nothing about the way that Yumichika fought, and he most definitely wanted to keep it that way. It had nothing to do with a lack of respect for his friend as a fellow fighter, for if Yumichika were actually the total pansy people sometimes assumed him to be he'd probably want nothing to do with him. No, Ikkaku loved that Yumichika loved battled and held the same beliefs and passions as the rest of the 11th squad. He knew from Zaraki-Taichou offering Yumichika the 4th seat that he was extremely capable; the captain did not surround himself with weak men.

Ikkaku was aware of and appreciated all these things… but he just couldn't witness it for himself. Though they fought side by side on many occasions, Ikkaku was too immersed in his own world to pay attention to Yumichika then and it was best that way. For Ikkaku knew that if he were to watch his friend fight, things would never be the same between them.

He would calculate Yumichika's moves, analyze his strategy and how he himself would combat it. Yumichika was strong, possibly strong enough to beat him, and their battle would be glorious. They could probably go at it for hours until Ikkaku understood all of the secret weapons within his friend's arsenal and could counter them all with his own attacks. It would be most beautiful fucking thing in the world… But then what would be left? One of them would die, and if they didn't they'd only live for a rematch, growing to resent the other for not killing them when they were damn well supposed to.

There was only one death Ikkaku feared and it certainly wasn't his own.

When watching how Yumichika gracefully stretched his lithe muscles as he rose from their bed in the morning, Ikkaku's mind thought of that body beneath (on top or beside) his writhing in ecstasy, not agony. As his hands panned over smooth skin Ikkaku desired to have that flesh quivering beneath his lips, not splitting beneath his blade. The only release he wanted to hear Yumichika beg for was orgasm as Ikkaku drove him mad with unbearable pleasure, not pain.

Yumichika was Ikkaku's lover, best friend, partner in life and battle, but he could never be his opponent. Yumichika assumed that because he was shut out from such a significant portion of Ikkaku's life that he was automatically inferior to it, but it wasn't the truth. His relationship with Yumichika was the closest thing to normal or _healthy _Ikkaku had in his life, it made the life between battles worth living, and he'd never give that up for a fight. Even a damn excellent fight.

If only Ikkaku had the balls to tell him that.


	4. Playing House

Zaraki Kenpachi groaned, inwardly cursing the day that that damn Orihime Ryoka was ever born. _This _was **exactly **why he'd rather his vice-captain spend her leisure time training with the 11th division men than playing with other girls. Girls were sick, twisted creatures-- evil bitches who put awful ideas into impressionable young minds (such as Yachiru's), ideas that just wouldn't fucking **go away**.

"I want to play house!"

"No."

"Ken-chaaaaan!"

"You've asked to play it every fucking day this week and the answer is still no!" It was true, ever since he'd left her alone for a few hours with Orihime, a seemingly innocuous person, one who he had foolishly assumed was capable of supervising his little pink leech while he was busy kicking some fellow Gotei-13 ass, Yachiru has been obsessed with this _house_ game.

"Pleeeee-"

"Order Ikkaku and Yumichika to play with you."

"But Taichou…" A distinctly unmanly noise that could easily have been mistaken for a whine emitted from his third seat across the room.

"Can we play dress up instead? I'm a lot better at that game. Suburbanite domestic life is just far too ugly, even pretend suburbanite domestic life." Yumichika shuddered at the though of a white picket fence, 2.5 children and a slobbery yellow lab.

"How about we _play_ fuck-shit-up like we usually do?" Zaraki grinned. "Mayuri is still slug-ified, go put some salt on him Yachiru, see what happens."

"How about_ who can be quiet with their eyes closed the longest while laying down_?" Ikkaku's words were emphasized with a yawn.

"Or princess! I like princess better than dress up!"

"Shut the fuck up, we're not playing that either!… EVER." (Zaraki had once in his death been utterly **stupid** enough to play princess with Yachiru and Yumichika. Why hadn't they told him mascara took **days** to fully wash off before slathering his eyes with the stuff? Stiff lashes made his eye patch most uncomfortable to wear. Though the red lipstick wasn't so bad, because it made his mouth look all bloody, at least with the way that Yachiru applied it).

"NO!" The shout from the little girl stopped the three men's tirades on the games that they would rather be playing, if indeed they had to play at all.

"No," she repeated. "I want to play **house**. All **four** of us!"

Kenpachi debated whether it was time for one of those _I'm your father-like-person-thing and as such you need to respect my authority when I say "no"_ speeches, or if he should just throw the paper weight from his desk at her head, hopefully rendering her unconscious for a few hours. Fortunately for Yachiru, her talking interrupted the debate within.

"Ken-chan, you get to be the daddy and Weirdo you get to be the mommy. Of course I'm the baby-"

Indignantly Ikkaku interjected: "Who am I then?" Not that he wanted to play, not in the slightest bit, but still, he did not appreciate being slighted as such.

"Silly Baldy, you're the milkman!"

All three men looked at the girl, rather confused at this assigned role. "The milkman?" The chorus questioned.

Her words were, "of course!" though her tone was _no duh_.

"Why the… milkman?"

"Because everyone knows what mommies do with the milkman when daddy isn't around to find out!"


	5. Pretty?

Passing years had seen Yachiru grow from a sprightly young girl to an equally energetic adolescent. Despite being herself as ever, the preteen's generally sunny disposition was now and then colored with mood swings ranging from irritable to gloomy. She wasn't melodramatic, a cry baby, or useless, as most teen girls tended to be (at least as far as the 11th division was concerned) so when she occasionally slipped into one of these moods it was easily forgiven.

She was currently in one such mood, a morose one rather than an angry one, and didn't want to talk about it, and certainly didn't want to be asked if she was _okay_.

Yumichika, kneeling behind her seated form, brush in hand as he smoothed out the pink locks which now reached the ends of her shoulder-blades, didn't acknowledge the sour air and did not ask any questions. He simply smiled, in a proud _look-what-pretty-hair-our-girl-has_ sort of way, and hummed quietly to himself.

"Ey, Weirdo," she finally began with a sigh.

"Yes, Fukutaichou?"

"Am…" another sigh. Oh cruel teendom. "Am I beautiful?… I mean, you would know, right?"

"Of course," he answered without hesitation. "The 11th division should be very proud to have such a pretty girl for a vice-captain." His words were accented with a rather Matsumoto Rangiku-like glomp.

He'd read somewhere that teens going through adolescence were in need of frequent hugging and platonic physical affection for their mental well-being (and as a member of the 11th division, and having been raised by Kenpachi Zaraki, Yumichika realized that her mental well-being was probably **already **hanging in a delicate balance). Since said reading, he'd been hugging her quite frequently, smiling like the weird loon he was, telling her nice things about herself.

Half the time Yachiru was simply weirded out by the fruity fifth seat and scrambled to escape his embrace as quickly as possible. The other half of the time, truth being told, she found it quite comforting and smiled despite herself, wishing that just once or twice it would be Ken-chan holding her instead.

More weirded out than Yachiru herself was Ikkaku, who when he'd caught Yumichika doing such pulled the fifth seat aside and mumbled something about not giving the girl any _wrong ideas_. Yachiru, being perceptive as always, judged from the hold Ikkaku had on Yumichika that he was more jealous than worried. Perhaps battle-crazed, bald Shinigami needed frequent hugging for their mental well-being as well.

Yachiru's train of thought returned to her as she felt the fifth-seat's warmth pull away from her shoulders.

"You aren't just saying that because I'm your superior officer or anything… You can say the truth…. If you don't I'll kick you so hard in the nuts that you'll be Baldy's _girl_friend for real."

Such a comment rewarded her with a sharp tug on one of the fine hairs at the nape of her neck (Yumichika did not want to risk damaging any of her hair that actually mattered).

"Hey!"

"Lying is not beautiful, especially lying to one about their appearance… I meant what I said Yachiru-Fukutaichou. I'm a connoisseur of beauty, so you have consulted an expert. My opinion is most qualified, and thus it is a _fact_ that you are, indeed, pretty." Yumichika smiled down at her. Insecurity wasn't something he often suffered (at least not where his looks were concerned), but he knew from the few times such an awful, ugly feeling had managed to crawl up his spine and breed in his brain that it was wholly unpleasant.

His words made her smirk as she turned her face, giving him better access to a particular section of hair.

"I know you know this stuff… but your opinion isn't the one I care about, ya know?"

"Of course! There is always one person's opinion of you who matters above all others... If that person were to hate you, it wouldn't matter if every other person in the universe worshipped you, it still wouldn't be enough." It was obvious to Yachiru that he was now using thegeneral _you_ and wasn't speaking only of her, but also himself.

Conspiratorially, as though he already knew the answer, he asked of her: "Is there someone like that for you, Fukutaicho?"

Her face reddened and she hid the blush against her knees which she'd drawn up to her chest. "I'm not into all that sissy stuff, Weirdo…" _He loves me, just not the way Baldy loves you, not that you ever notice._

"Of course not, what was I thinking… There, all done." Finally her hair was free of all the knots and tangles it had sustained during the day's battle training.

A loudly cleared throat brought both Yumichika and Yachiru's gazes to the door where Ikkaku stood, leaning against the frame. There was no telling how long he'd been there.

"Oh, Baldy, did you want your hair brushed too?" She inquired as sweetly as possible. Insulting her favorite punching bag immediately pulled the girl out of her darkened mood.

A vein in his forehead throbbed slightly as his eyebrow twitched. "Well I _had _come to tell you two that there's chocolate cake in the kitchen but--"

With the mention of cake the vice-captain was nothing but a pink flash as she dashed out the door, calling back a thanks to Yumichika for his help. Despite himself Ikkaku couldn't help but grin. There were worse kids to have hanging around, though being said kid's subordinate did kind of suck.

"Ikkaku," Yumichika called to him and patted the recently vacated spot in front of his knees.

Ikkaku nearly replied with a bitter "_ha ha very funny, do I need my hair done too_?" Until he realized that his friend was serious. He moved from the doorway to gracelessly plop himself down in front of Yumichika.

He didn't know what he'd been expecting, but Yumichika's slender fingers tenderly massaging his scalp hadn't been it. Unable to hold back the first involuntary moan of pleasure, he did his damnedest to hold in all of the ones that threatened to follow it.

Relaxing into the touch, he smiled, for once in all his life and death being grateful for being bald.

After this delightful treatment had gone on for a few minutes, Ikkaku surprised himself in asking, "Ey, Yumichika. Do you think I'm beautiful?"

Smiling in a far different way than he had smiled for Yachiru earlier, Yumichika embraced the man seated before him, pressing his chest tightly to Ikkaku's muscular back, his hands gripping hard biceps.

"Of course" he answered against the third seat's ear. "Always."


	6. Channel Surfing

Even though Keigo had not been a very happy boy when he'd answered the door only to be greeted by a lumbering giant of a man carrying a pink haired girl on his shoulder, he most certainly hadn't cried like a little baby as he begged the large man to spare his life as he did not want to die a virgin. No, there were no theatrics whatsoever, he'd simply asked _can I help you_? calmly and rationally... Despite his manliness and fortitude in dealing with the situation, Keigo **was** relieved to find that they were friends of his houseguests, even though said houseguests had already worn out their welcome.

Currently the four of them were piled in the small family room as Yumichika and Ikkaku introduced Kenpachi and Yachiru to the joyous creation that was the idiot-box. From the initial introduction, it hadn't taken them long to learn that the most satisfaction one could derive from such a device was through an act called _channel-flipping_.

Having control of the remote, Yachiru had stopped on some sort of medical documentary. The four had been watching a live surgery for only a few minutes when Kenpachi began to feel the oddest sensation come over him. Black patches swam in his vision, which had dimmed, and there was a loud ringing in his ears. Suddenly there was sweat upon his neck and he had to close his uncovered eye to shut out the lurching in his stomach. In all his years of fighting, of seeing more blood and gore than those pathetic doctors ever would, he had never felt this horrible feeling before.

Any idiot could have told him that he felt faint, but it took a brain to keep quiet on the matter, as Yumichika did after fetching his captain a glass of water without being asked. When Ikkaku whined, wanting to know where **his** glass was, he was merely answered with a sharp elbow to the ribcage.

"They look so different when they're still in a person, don't they Ken-chan?" Yachiru asked happily, pointing to the guts on the television.

"Yeah," he managed to reply, making an internal note that perhaps the fourth division wasn't as weak as he'd thought.

"Fukutaichou," Yumichika interjected, "can we watch something else now? This isn't very beautiful."

The ever oblivious Ikkaku had to tease, "hey, you've got all that in you too you know."

"My insides don't look like _that._"

"The hell they don't!"

"And how would you know?"

Had Kenpachi heard the flirtatiously whispered _"I'm well acquainted with your _insides_, remember?"_ He **would** have passed out. Thankfully for everyone involved he didn't and the channel was changed.

With Yumichika behind the wheel, they landed upon some runway fashion show featuring nothing but beautiful young women in the latest of couture lingerie.

Despite not feeling very well, Kenpachi could not help but laugh heartily until tears formed at the corners of his eyes. "What the fuck do **you**," a chocked chuckle and cough, "want to watch **this** for?"

The pretty man just sighed wistfully and both Kenpachi and Ikkaku mentally swore that if Yumichika said he wanted to be one of them, that he'd be out of the division for good. Thankfully he said nothing and the ogling of the models and what they weren't wearing continued.

Said ogling of flesh and skimpy underwear had Kenpachi feeling a whole new kind of uncomfortable and he quickly told Yachiru to go sit on Ikkaku's lap instead. However, the unintentional foot to his groin as she vaulted across the couch to tackle her beloved pachinko-head squelched that problem.

"Give me that!" Ikkaku said taking the remote for himself, annoyed at being Yachiru's new chair.

"Ikkaku! I was watching that," Yumichika argued, flipping the channel back.

"Ooh, Ken-chan! Those panties are pretty, can I have some like that?"

"Ikkaku change the fucking channel."

"Yessir!"

What they ended up watching next was wrestling/fighting show. Not the obviously staged _professional wrestling _(any member of the eleventh worth his salt could see through that shit in an instant), rather a more genuine take on the sport.

Ikkaku and Kenpachi were utterly enthralled at the two grappling men, Yachiru was unimpressed as she knew that her Ken-chan could beat them both with only his little finger, and Yumichika was just bored with the rather ugly display.

Feeling emboldened by boredom, he ventured "you know Taichou, for a man to choose such a homoerotic program over a blatant exploitation of female sexuality is highly suspicious…"

"Homo-e-whatsit?"

"I'm just saying Taichou, imagine what this would look like without the hot pants."

One fighter had mounted the other who was on his hands and knees before him. Their sweaty bodies clung together as they violently thrashed back and forth, both seeking dominance. All of this was accentuated by a great deal of grunting.

"Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuh!" Yachiru gasped in a moment of epiphany. "They'd be doing what you and baldy-san do in the training room late at night!… And the baths, and the supply closet, and the fourth division hospital, and Ken-chan's desk!" She smiled brightly.

This time Kenpachi really did faint. Ikkaku and Yumichika took that as a sign to get a head start running.


	7. Music Meme

Music Meme!

1. Pick a character, pairing, or fandom you like.  
2. Turn on your music player and put it on random/shuffle.  
3. Write a drabble related to each song that plays. You only have the time frame of the song to finish the drabble; you start when the song starts, and stop when it's over. No lingering afterwards!  
4. Do ten of these, then post them

**Fandom:** Bleach  
**Rating:** PG-13, for mentions of sex and some F-bombs  
**Pairings/Characters:** Ikkaku/Yumichika

oOoOoOoOoOoO

"**Roll to Me" -Del Amitri (00:02:11)**

"Eh, Yumichika, are you… crying?"

"Don't be ridiculous, crying is most certainly NOT beautiful. I just got something in… _both_ of my eyes."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Yumichika-"

"That bastard… the one from kidou class, he totally dumped me. **Me**. I hate this fucking academy, I don't know why we have to go here."

Ikkaku came to sit down by his friend and snake an arm around his shoulders, which most certainly weren't shaking slightly with small sobs.

**"My Humps" -Black Eyed Peas (00:05:27)**

Yumichika and Ikkaku had been sitting in comfortable silence atop the roof of a random building in Karakura as they waited for further orders. The great mystery of the origins of fancy Onigiri was driving Ikkaku to madness. It was only at hearing Yumichika's voice that he was pulled out of the great rice ball conspiracy his mind had been concocting.

"What did you say?"

"I asked you if I had _junk in the trunk_."

"What fucking trunk?… We don't have a trunk."

"How the hell should I know? This magazine says that men want someone with _junk in the trunk._"

"Is that anything like emotional baggage?"

"I don't think so, no one wants a partner with lots of emotional baggage."

"Hmm…. I'm sure if it's something desirable that you have it Yumichika."

"Of course! You're right," he smiled giddily. "I _must_ have junk in the trunk."

**"Umbrella" -Rhianna (00:04:15)**

Yumichika was certain that he recalled rain being beautiful back in the living world, even if he couldn't remember anything else about that life. In Rukongai, however, it was as if the water pouring from the sky were dirty and hard and disgusting, falling to the earth only to mix with the dirt and turn the streets to sludge.

Ikkaku, wiping someone else's blood from his brow (obviously too easy a fight), approached where he was sitting on a up under an awning. "Come on Yumichika, let's go."

"I don't want to get my feet dirty or my hair wet. The rain here is disgusting."

"Oh my fucking god…. I don't have an umbrella but I'll carry ya on my back."

He smiled, "okay!"

**"Heart Shaped Box" -Evanescence cover (00:02:48)**

Ikkaku couldn't believe he was going back there. His fucking feet were traitors, their taking him back to that bar, in a district of Rukongai that he should have left weeks ago (he'd already kicked everyone's ass at least twice), was the ultimate betrayal. All to see that goddamn beautiful, poor excuse for a male, bartender. Yumichika. A man shouldn't be so damn pretty, or seductive, without even trying. His beauty was effortless. And a fucking pretty boy shouldn't be full of such good advice, as though he actually understood anything and everything Ikkaku ever felt about fighting.

**"Over and Over" -Nelly featuring Tim McGraw (00:04:13)**

Yumichika had taken his time telling Ikkaku how he felt about him. Had hesitated for a century to tell him that he loved him. He had taken for granted that Ikkaku would always be **his**, even if only in friendship, that no one would steal the bald man's heart from him. No one could ever understand Ikkaku like he could.

It was on the same day he'd finally steeled his resolve and planned to tell Ikkaku that Ikkaku revealed to him the most heartbreaking news he'd ever heard.

_"I have something to tell you."_

_"Me too!" He looked so excited. __"Damn, don't look so depressed… I'll go first, good news before bad news… I got lucky!" From there he proceeded to tell Yumichika how he'd managed to seduce the Fukutaichou of the twelfth, who he'd secretly been in lust (and more, Yumichika could tell from his demeanor) with for decades._

_"Now what did you want to tell me?"_

**"Total Eclipse of the Heart" -Bonnie Tyler (00:06:51)**

It wasn't until after Ikkaku's body had fallen to the hard asphalt, followed by the defeated Arrancar's form, that Yumichika realized how incredibly quickly his heart had been beating, or how his back was wet with cold sweat, or the way his knuckles ached from having been clenched so tightly.

And it wasn't until after they'd brought Ikkaku back to that Keigo kid's house, after that ugly girl had thrown herself at him, and after he'd gotten the bald man upstairs and as cleaned up as possible, that Yumichika realized just how deeply the thought of Ikkaku dying affected him.

He came to lie on the bed beside Ikkaku, spooning against his back, his arms wrapping around Ikkaku's chest, holding so tightly it must have hurt. Despite his best efforts, he could not hide the slight trembling of his body.

"Yumichika?"

"Don't get yourself killed for such an unworthy opponent. Don't die stupidly." Yumichika managed to say.Ikkaku's hand came up behind his head to stroke Yumichika's hair.

"I ain't dead."

_But you could be._

**"Alice (Der Spiegeltanz)" -Stillste Stund (00:05:53)**

This most definitely had to be a dream, Yumichika thought mildly, as he looked around the endless expanse of mirrors, twisting around him in a maze of reflections. It was dark, the multiple Yumichika's looking back at him were somehow off, there was something sinister and unbeautiful to them.

He was taken aback by the pain brought on by stepping on a shard of glass from a broken mirror. Blood fell freely from the wound. One could not feel pain in dreams could they?

"Come dance with me, Yumichika."

Looking around frantically, Yumichika could see absolutely nothing but the darkened images of someone who resembled himself in every way, but was not him.

"Come dance, until all of the mirrors are broken."

Yumichika suddenly heard a shattering of glass, followed by another and another.

"Find the right mirror, and I might tell you my name, dance with me Yumichika."

"Your name?"

**"Broken" -Seether featuring Amy Lee (00:04:19)**

Ikkaku smiled as he looked over to his friend and lover, Yumichika's shoulders shaking lightly as he laughed, really laughed, at the bald man's stupid joke. He loved the way he laughed, genuinely **laughed** in happiness, he did not laugh often enough.

He'd been laughing even less lately, Ikkaku had noticed.

Absently wiping at the corner of his eye, Yumichika looked up at his friend who was unconsciously grinning. "What is it?"

"Just glad to see you happy."

Yumichika fought the flush that threatened to come to his face. "What are you talking about, I'm happy most of the time." He had not thought Ikkaku was one to notice another's moods, outside of battle, much less care about them.

"Smiles are more _beautiful_ than frowns, right? So smile more often!" The words were accented by a thwack to the head.

Smiling, he replied, "alright." _I'll try_.

**"Love Stoned" -Justin Timberlake (00:07:24) **

No one who knew Yumichika and Ikkaku would believe that their friendship/relationship started with what was supposed to be a one night stand.

Both parties had expected nothing more but some sex, Ikkaku attracted to Yumichika's beauty, a difficult thing to find anywhere, much less in Rukongai, and Yumichika loving the way that Ikkaku had effortlessly kicked the collective asses of his particular district.

Between passionate kisses, taking turns pressing one another to rough alleyway walls, drunk on lust and sake, they finally managed to make it back to Yumichika's place.

Ikkaku was a little surprised, and a lot turned on, when Yumichika pushed him down onto the bed, and began to slowly remove his clothing. The way the moonlight flickered in through small holes in the roof, illuminated his body, lithe and long, had Ikkaku awestruck.

When his strip tease finally ended and both had the best sex of their afterlives, they were both smart enough to realize that you don't turn away a good thing like that. Thus it became a many night stand. It was just a happy accident that they happened to fall in love.

**"Bother" -Corey Taylor (00:04:00)**

"Ikkaku."

"Fuck," he muttered to himself at the sound of Yumichika's voice. He wished the long haired man would leave him alone. When he'd agreed to travel with the man from the 74th, he hadn't thought he'd get attached. He wished he didn't care. All of his death had been spent looking for the perfect battle, one good fight to end it all. That was all he wanted, nothing more.

"Ah, there you are."

Until Yumichika had come along and fucked all of that up.

"What do you want."

"I just followed the trail of blood until I found you," it unnerved Ikkaku how much he loved that smile.

"I wish you wouldn't bother."


End file.
